Songs of the Year

2010 is over, may it rest in peace. These are my top songs of 2010, the songs that meant the most to me. They didn't necessarily come out last year (in fact very few of them did) but they are the songs that I kept returning to the most. I found myself revisiting a lot old favorites, focusing on individual tracks rather than full albums. And unlike previous years where I tried to listen to a lot of new music (new to me anyway), this year I really narrowed down the listening to a couple of handfuls.

Opeth A Fair Judgement, Hessian Peel, Wreath

Hessian Peel has to be one of the most fascinating recordings I have heard in the last five years or so. You wouldn't get it. A Fair Judgement is a song that perfectly captures my general mood of the past six months.

Harry Nilsson Without You, Everybody's Talkin', Don't Forget Me, Save The Last Dance For Me, Many Rivers to Cross

I discovered Harry Nilsson this year, a name I had been familiar with for a long time, but had never listened to any of his stuff before. I can't say that I am love with the majority of his music, but there are songs....songs!

Ozzy Time, Life Won't Wait, Crazy Train

I have always been infatuated with Ozzy's voice, and a new album from him is always cause for celebration. Then you realize a lot of it's not that great, but it's still Ozzy singing so it can't be too bad. Not surprisingly, the two ballads on his new album were my favorites. Crazy Train is a song I have heard hundreds of times over the past 15 years, but now it makes sense.

Rush Time Stand Still, The Larger Bowl, Far Cry, Limelight, Bravado, Mission, Marathon

Rush could be considered my band of the year, either them or Iron Maiden. Rush was definitely the best (out of three) concert I saw last year. All of the above songs have great relevance to me. Limelight never gets old. I also found myself getting into a lot of their mid 80's keyboard stuff. Never would have expected to like those songs.

Metallica Fade to Black, Harvester of Sorrow, all of Death Magnetic

I think ever since I saw the Big Four performance in the theater, I realized that I actually love Metallica. I don't love everything they've ever done, far from it, but those 4 or 5 key albums they made are among the best music I have ever heard. And Fade To Black is such a powerful song, really captures a place not everyone gets to, but those who do appreciate it. I wish I could write songs like that.

Fear Factory Final Exit

Another song about death, I suppose. Don't really care about the message as much as the delivery. Burton C. Bell is not a particularly good singer in the scheme of things, but the contrast between his "soulful" voice and his death metal voice is usually pretty effective.

Black Sabbath Walk Away, Lonely is the Word, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, Die Young

Well, we lost Dio this year, so Dio-era Black Sabbath was huge on my playlist. But then again, the Ozzy-era stuff never dies.

Thin Lizzy Southbound, That Woman's Gonna Break Your Heart, Didn't I, The Sun Goes Down, Cold Sweat, Killer On The Loose

Phil Lynott was such an amazing songwriter. A song like Southbound...on the surface a western themed track full of cliches, but it's all metaphoric...beautifully so.

Iron Maiden Blood Brothers, Infinite Dreams, The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, Coming Home, Wasted Years, No More Lies

Maiden was probably second place for band of the year. Their new album was a little underwhelming, and their concert could have used quite a few more classics in the set, but it's Maiden, and they are a staple of mine. I'm still listening to the old songs with as much interest as I did 15 years ago, and I'm even going back to records like Brave New World and Dance of Death years after they came out and realizing how great they were.

The Beach Boys Surf's Up, 'Til I Die, Pet Sounds, 20/20, etc.

No surprises here. Of course the Boys were in heavy rotation last year, because they always are. Pet Sounds is always one of my favorite records, as is 20/20, Sunflower, etc. The Beach Boys never fail to elevate my mood, at least for a couple of minutes.

Japanese Culture Festival

This past weekend I attended the Japanese Cultural Festival here in town, organized by the JASSC, The Japan America Society of Southern Colorado. This was the 11th annual festival. I'm glad it's lasted so long, and it seems to get more popular each year. It was held at the Stargazers Theater, a place I have fond memories of. That venue used to be called the Colorado Music Hall, and it was there that I saw some great shows in the past. That could be a subject for another blog, actually.

I meant to go to the festival right when the doors opened at 10:00, but I couldn't sleep the night before, so I ended up going around 1:00. Fortunately, that was still enough time to see the two events I cared the most about, the ninjutsu demonstration and the taiko drum performance. Other events included koto and biwa performances, and I believe there were some traditional dance performances too.

There were a lot of Japanese items for sale, mostly arts and craft type stuff. There were some books for sale, and while some of them had awesome 70's artwork, they all looked pretty difficult to read, and my Japanese reading skills are limited at best. I tried to find some kids books, but no luck. I did buy a picture of an oni, (Japanese devil) which is always nice, and I had my name converted into kanji and written calligraphy style (I believe Japanese calligraphy is called shodo.) by a very talented artist. The end result is a nice piece of art that will be hung next to the oni picture someday. Maybe.

Just like last year, there were bento and sushi boxes for sale. They were a little overpriced and didn't look too oishii, so I didn't buy anything except for an azuki mochi rice cake, and an ichigo ramune to drink. However, during the last hour, the prices on the bento and sushi boxes were slashed, so you can bet I picked up some sushi then! $2 sushi is a good thing. It was just California rolls and some kind of vegetable rolls, possibly with daikon, but basically I like any and all kinds of sushi. And going back to the Ramune, which is soda/pop with an interesting and unique bottle design involving a marble, I don't understand the point of the marble....I feel that it gets in the way a little bit.

The ninjutsu demonstration was pretty impressive and had sufficient simulated violence to satisy my expectations. It was really amazing to see how athletic those guys are. They did an excercise where one ninja would do a flip and then crouch down, and then the next ninja would jump over the first and crouch down next to him, and so on. The final ninja had to jump over six guys! That could have been disastrous. It could have been, but not... for a ninja.

The taiko performance finished the day off, and this time it was by a group called Mirai Daiko. I had seen them perform once before about 5 years ago when this festival was held in Manitou Springs. This year's lineup consisted of three sisters and another girl. One of them was really cute; that's irrelevant. As an amateur drummer, I am fascinated by drums in general and taiko in particular. It's a very animated and expressive form of drumming, joyful and powerful at the same time. The sticks they use are massive, like ax handles. They had an interactive segment where they brought kids from the audience on stage and showed them some of the techniques involved. It's very different from western drumming, to say the least.

My chief motive for attending the festival this time was to speak Japanese, and maybe even meet some native speakers in the hopes of getting involved in a language exchange setting again. I miss that. I have been studying Japanese more intently lately, so I hoped I would be more ready if the opportunity to speak the language arose. Unfortunately, I only ended up speaking a few sentences to the calligraphy girl, an arigatou or two to the vendors I purchased from, and little else. There didn't seem to be any Japanese students, but there were lots of older Japanese people around. I at least got to hear some native speaking around me. I even saw my old Japanese teacher from afar, and meant to talk to her, but she disappeared before I could. Regrettably, I didn't make any new friends this time around.

So ends my account of the 11th Annual Japanese Cultural Festival. It was a small affair, certainly not as elaborate as those held in communities with a larger Japanese population. But I enjoyed it, and I intend to go back next year, which will probably be mostly the same. I get a nice feeling being around Japanese culture, hearing the language, being in that world for a little while. It seems familiar, tranquil.

Why Japan?

People often ask me why I am interested in Japan, and it's something I have to stop and think about because it's been a part of me for so long now. If I just reply with "I think Japan is cool," that doesn't really answer the question very effectively. There are a lot of reasons I am interested in Japan, and I will name them all in great detail here.

Just kidding, I will try to keep this short. But it's me writing, so I think it will end up being pretty long...

My first exposure to Japan probably came from The Karate Kid movies. I remember seeing the first one on my family's very first VCR; in fact that may have been the first movie we ever watched on it. I was probably five years old at the time. The Karate Kid is a fairly inspirational movie in the vain of the Rocky films about an underdog overcoming obstacles and emerging as a champion, but what fascinated me about the movie was Mr. Miyagi, played by Pat Morita. I thought he was one of the coolest movie characters of all time. Later I learned that he is somewhat of a stereotype, but nonetheless I was very impressed by Mr. Miyagi. A year or so later, I saw The Karate Kid Part 2 in the theater with my brother and my cousin. That movie is actually set in Okinawa, so that may have been my first glimpse of Japanese culture, at least as portrayed in a Hollywood movie. It was very influential.

My brother bought a Nintendo NES system not long after we saw those movies, and before too long I got into video games too. I realized that most of the best games were made in Japan, so I became more interested in this amazing place that made these amazing games. I always tried to pronounce the names of the Japanese game companies like Konami and Taito and Bandai as best as I could. Years later when I began studying Japanese, I was surprised to find that my pronunciations were pretty close!

Any movie or comic book or game with a ninja in it immediately appealed to me. I dressed as a ninja for Halloween at least two years in a row. To me, a ninja was the ultimate hero (or villain). I have always been drawn toward darker characters, the ones with some mystery to them. Batman instead of Superman, for example. Ninjas fit right in with that, because they would sneak in your house and try to kill you, and you never even got to see their face. (That never really happened to me.) I later found out that real life ninja were quite different from the ones I grew up admiring, but they were pretty amazing too.

Japanese cars and electronics have a reputation for high quality. I first became aware of that when I was a kid, and my dad would talk about how reliable his Toyota truck was, and my family would buy electronics made by brands like Sony and Panasonic because those were considered the best. I always felt "proud" of Japan for making the best stuff! I had developed this great admiration for a country and people I knew very little about. All I knew was that Japan produced ninja, Nintendo, karate, Toyota, and all of these other fascinating things, and that impressed me quite a bit.

It wasn't until the mid-90's that I really started to read about Japan as a country and culture, not just as a place that created cool stuff. I wanted to learn more about this country whose history extended so much further back than our own, a country who had been a bitter enemy of the US not so many decades before, but had reemerged as an amazing success story, a country of peace and prosperity. To accomplish that, it seemed that Japan must be full of some amazing people. I wanted to learn more about them.

It was also in the early 90's that I experienced Japanese food for the first time. My sister's ex husband is half Japanese, and he made sushi for us at one family party. I didn't really know what sushi was, except that it involved raw fish (which is not always true). I thought it looked like pretty interesting food, so I tried a little bit of everything. I don't remember everything he made, but there was definitely inari and maguro. I have to be honest...I really didn't like sushi the first time I tried it. It's kind of ironic that now it's my favorite food in the world! I could eat sushi every day.

By my senior year of high school, I decided I would try to learn Japanese from a book I bought at Goodwill. (I hate to admit that I have been trying to learn Japanese for so many years, because my Japanese is terrible...) To me, that seemed like the deepest immersion into Japanese culture I could experience. It didn't go very well, but it did inspire me to take Japanese classes later on.

And it was in those Japanese classes that I met people from Japan for the first time. And some of those Japanese students became some of my best friends in the world.

I have very fond memories of spending time with them, learning about Japan and hearing the language (and attempting to speak it) and getting to eat homemade Japanese food. I really enjoyed helping them with English and trying to help them with some of the culture differences. Some of them told me I was their best American friend, or even their only American friend. If that was true, I was honored to be that. I am certainly grateful to them for many happy memories.

I know other people who are interested in other countries in the same way I am with Japan. I imagine they can relate to the fascination I have. What is it about a different culture or country that reaches those of us who care to learn? Is it the differences or the similarities? Is it the desire to escape to a place so far away and different from where we grew up? I don't know. Maybe it's all of those things. I just know that I admire Japan. I admire the culture. I admire the contrasts. I admire the people. There have been disappointments and frustrations. The language still seems unattainable to my limited brain. But Japan is still a big part of my life. Japan is in my heart and my soul.

Ozzy Osbourne - Life Won't Wait

People can say what they want about him, but Ozzy is one of my favorite singers of all time. He has such a strange and unique voice. To me, he's one of those singers who could make any song better by singing it. I've always liked his sentimental, ballad-like songs. This is one of the best off his new album, and I really like this video, because who better than Ozzy to illustrate how much time we waste with bad decisions in life? He's finally clean and sober after all those decades, and if he can do it, anybody can.

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People I Respect

I'm going to attempt here to acknowledge some people I really respect, without naming names. I don't want to embarrass anybody. But thinking of these people is inspiring to me. I felt that they deserved some public (but anonymous) acknowledgement. The things I am facing seem insignificant when I think of all they have accomplished and overcome.

I respect someone who has had a hard life, but for all of that life this person has tried to help other people whenever possible. This person has helped people out of all kinds of major, major jams on many occasions. Usually this help has come with no reward. This person has saved lives, in a figurative and literal sense.

I respect someone who survived two broken marriages and all kinds of pain, abandonment and hurt. But she did her best to raise her kids and she has never lost her faith or hope for others.

I respect someone who sets a goal and works to achieve it. This person is never discouraged or beaten down by life. This person embodies positivity.

I respect someone whom we all lost faith in and only expected the worst from. This person went on to become an amazing mother and a source of stability and strength in her family, a person whose faith is unshakable. She proves that nothing is impossible, that people can change for the better.

I respect someone who was willing to uproot her whole life to help her mom get to a better place. Completely unselfish, this person lives her life for others.

I respect someone who loves her kids enough to raise them right and give them a good moral background and education. This person is now trying to help other kids who can't help themselves.

I respect anybody who masters another language!

I respect someone who's doing an important job away from family and friends.

I respect someone who is fighting to save a marriage.

I respect anyone who beats their addictions, even if it takes most of their lives.

I respect someone I don't know personally who made it out of the darkness and got back to doing what he was meant to do.

I respect someone who's in an unhappy situation, one he might be wise to walk away from, but who stays, not for his benefit, but for someone else. He is making a better life for someone else who may not ever appreciate it.

I respect someone who kept on going as long as he could and didn't let his illness stop him from doing what he wanted. He lived even as he was dying.

I respect someone who took a seemingly unsalvageable situation with the seemingly worst possible person and created a great and loving family out of it.

I respect someone with integrity, someone who is content with the current situation but believes something better will come along.

I respect those who are loyal.

I respect someone who keeps trying.

I respect all of these and more, and I hope to be as strong as them someday.

Communication Frustration

Today I had a semi-rare opportunity to speak Japanese. The nice older lady at the Walmart checkout line had a Japanese name on her name tag, so I asked if she was from Japan, and she was, and we exchanged a few words in Japanese. I actually understood everything she said (which is unusual for me), and she seemed impressed that I could speak Japanese. That was nice, but I was frustrated with myself because by now I should be able to have a little more complex conversation in Japanese than I did today. I always feel that way about speaking Japanese. I have all these ideas and comments to make, questions to ask, but because I don't know how to process everything into an actual sentence, nor do I know a lot of the words I need, I usually stick to simple phrases and short sentences. Usually I can get my point across, but it must seem like talking to a child, a very young child, to the other person.

I'm also frustrated because I think my Japanese was a little better some years ago when I had a lot of Japanese friends in town. That was probably the peak of my Japanese abilities. I would meet different friends on different days of the week, sometimes groups of friends, therefore I was exposed to a lot of Japanese language. I could understand maybe 20% of what they were saying on a good day, but at least I got to hear the language, the way words were said and what they actually said instead of the seemingly inaccurate words found in all of my language books. Why is it that every Japanese language book I have ever read teaches words that Japanese people never actually seem to use? I'm sure this is common among all languages. People do tend to talk differently than they write.

One thing I have always tried to do when tutoring international students or talking to a friend whose native language was not English was to never let them give up when they were trying to say something in English. Usually we could understand each other once we found that one key word or idea they were looking for. I've experienced the same thing with Japanese, where if I knew how to say one key word, it all made a little more sense. It's a little bit like solving a puzzle. But it's a really nice feeling to reach that point of understanding.

I know my Japanese is terrible, and many of my international friends have told me their English is terrible (I disagree). But I say this: If we are able to understand what each other is trying to say, one way or another, that's pretty good communication. Learning all of the right words and grammar is important, making everything work a little better. But being able to get your point across is the most important thing.

Living After Midnight

It's 3:21 AM as I begin this. I suppose I should be asleep, but I'm not tired enough for that yet. I've entered another season of evening shifts at work. Usually they are a welcome blessing after the tedium and stressfulness of summers at my job. But this time around, I am filled with regret about going back to the evening shift. I've realized how much of normal life I miss by working in the evening. The latest example is the family party tomorrow afternoon which is being held on my late brother's birthday to remember him. It seems like I should be there.

I'm thinking of happier times some years ago when I used to be involved with an international student organization. They would have events every week or two, and it was at these gatherings (all held in the evenings) that I met some of the best people I've ever known. Some of them are still good friends of mine. That's something I miss being a part of, but my schedule just doesn't allow for it anymore.

I'm not really a social person in the sense that I go to a lot of parties or clubs or other public gatherings. I prefer just meeting with a few friends at a time. But as time goes by, I've found that the opportunities to make new friends are fewer and fewer. Why? Well, partly because I am at work instead of somewhere else, hanging out and meeting people, after the working day is finished. I feel that working at night really limits the possibilities. Pure speculation, but would I have met the "right" girl or even be married by now if I didn't work in the evenings? (Ok, that's just my overactive imagination working.)


It wouldn't make sense for me to change jobs right now. There's no chance of switching my schedule either. Working in the evenings has to be for the time being. And there are some advantages to it. For one thing, the pace is much faster (on a good night) and time goes more quickly. There's hardly any traffic on the way home...especially nice during winter. If I need to get groceries or go to Walmart, there aren't a whole lot of people in my way. I have most of the day to get other things done, like appointments. And I'm more of a night owl than an early bird (by far) so the late nights are easier to handle than early mornings.

It's just kind of a lonely existence sometimes. That's the heart of it. I can't complain too much, because I still get to see my friends on the weekends, and I see family members during the day. I'm just getting to a point where I have a longing to fall in with most of the population and keep a normal, human's schedule. Something about being on a daytime schedule this summer seemed to solidify that. It will have to happen eventually. Hopefully not too long from now.