Communication Frustration

Today I had a semi-rare opportunity to speak Japanese. The nice older lady at the Walmart checkout line had a Japanese name on her name tag, so I asked if she was from Japan, and she was, and we exchanged a few words in Japanese. I actually understood everything she said (which is unusual for me), and she seemed impressed that I could speak Japanese. That was nice, but I was frustrated with myself because by now I should be able to have a little more complex conversation in Japanese than I did today. I always feel that way about speaking Japanese. I have all these ideas and comments to make, questions to ask, but because I don't know how to process everything into an actual sentence, nor do I know a lot of the words I need, I usually stick to simple phrases and short sentences. Usually I can get my point across, but it must seem like talking to a child, a very young child, to the other person.

I'm also frustrated because I think my Japanese was a little better some years ago when I had a lot of Japanese friends in town. That was probably the peak of my Japanese abilities. I would meet different friends on different days of the week, sometimes groups of friends, therefore I was exposed to a lot of Japanese language. I could understand maybe 20% of what they were saying on a good day, but at least I got to hear the language, the way words were said and what they actually said instead of the seemingly inaccurate words found in all of my language books. Why is it that every Japanese language book I have ever read teaches words that Japanese people never actually seem to use? I'm sure this is common among all languages. People do tend to talk differently than they write.

One thing I have always tried to do when tutoring international students or talking to a friend whose native language was not English was to never let them give up when they were trying to say something in English. Usually we could understand each other once we found that one key word or idea they were looking for. I've experienced the same thing with Japanese, where if I knew how to say one key word, it all made a little more sense. It's a little bit like solving a puzzle. But it's a really nice feeling to reach that point of understanding.

I know my Japanese is terrible, and many of my international friends have told me their English is terrible (I disagree). But I say this: If we are able to understand what each other is trying to say, one way or another, that's pretty good communication. Learning all of the right words and grammar is important, making everything work a little better. But being able to get your point across is the most important thing.